Many lesbian partners and gay partners are choosing to raise children. Sometimes, these are the children born to one of the partners during a heterosexual relationship. Other times, these are children born to lesbian parents; or adopted by lesbian or gay partners. This pamphlet talks about having a child, or adopting a child, during a same sex relationship.
If lesbian partners are going to have a child, the first question is who will be the biological mother. Some lesbians choose to have two children, with each of them bearing one child.
The next question is where the sperm will come from. The choices are to use sperm from an unknown donor, or to use sperm donated by someone the mothers know.
If you choose to have a child by assisted insemination from an unknown donor, you will probably consult a fertility clinic. They will help you to choose the donor characteristics, to acquire the sperm, and to inseminate. The advantage to having an unknown donor is that there is no possibility that you will ever be harassed by the donor; and the child grows up knowing the two lesbians as her family. A birth mother can register her lesbian co-mother on her child's birth certificate.
If you choose to have a child by assisted insemination using sperm from someone you know, it is a very good idea to have a donor insemination agreement. Because the law does not spell out the rights and responsibilities of a donor separately from a father, there is a chance that a donor might later claim paternal rights to the child, or that the child's parents might later make a maintenance claim against the donor. To minimize the chance of that happening, a donor insemination agreement spells out the rights and responsibilities of all the parties, including such things as whether the donor will have any role in the child's life, who will tell the child what the donor's identity is, and so on.A donor insemination agreement often specifies that the donor will consent to a stepparent adoption by the birthing mother and the co-mother.
Lesbian partners and gay partners in B.C. are entitled to adopt children under the Adoption Act. Some adopt children in B.C. Others adopt children in international adoptions. Since some countries will not permit children to be adopted by two same sex parents, one of the two must adopt. After the child arrives in Canada the co-parent can then adopt the child in a stepparent adoption
A stepparent adoption is a process where a child is adopted as the child of both of her same sex (or opposite sex) parents. If the child has been conceived by donor insemination from a known donor, it is prudent to get the consent of the donor to the adoption. Once the child is adopted by her or his two parents, any connection to the donor or anyone else is legally severed.
